I know I shouldn’t laugh

When you spend enough time with the pensioner brigade, you start to see the world differently.  When you spend enough time with the  GERMAN pensioner brigade, you start to wonder if it was such a good idea to go off your meds.

They are a breed of their own.  Crusty over-eighty year olds, that will not hesitate to tell you their opinion about everything from who you should marry to how often you should be turning your mattress.

At a recent gathering of the fossils, I had time to observe them in their natural habitat – that being – in the vicinity of vast quantities of cake and coffee.  If you think you witnessed a feeding frenzy on your last African Safari – think again.  It is open season, hesitate and there is a good chance you could lose a finger.

Where this manages to defy science, comes in the span of their waistlines.  For some reason, this generation of Germans, appears to have the ability to consume vast amounts of triple-layer-double-cream, with no discernable side effects.

One of my favourites will turn 89 this year.  Before I have stumbled out of bed and stared at my blurry self for 10 minutes – mainlined some triple espresso and plunged my head under a cold shower, she has managed to bike (yes I did say bike) her way to the local farmers market, return with a 10 kilo sack of potatoes draped across her handlebars, sweep the entire street (including the neighbours), wash the windows, mow the lawn … you get the idea (I had to pull the plug – this is the longest run on sentence in the history of blogging).  When questioned on her obvious access to the fountain of youth, she quite simply replies with “Well, one must keep busy.” 

Personally, I am beginning to wonder if all these old people are actually addicted to crack cocaine.  What a perfect cover – their teeth can’t fall out  – because they take them out each night and keep them in a glass beside the bed.  If one of them should be caught scoring a hit (did that sound like I know what I am talking about?  Because I have no clue) and they happen to get pulled up by the law – well, just launch into the “youth of today, has no respect” speech at the top of your voice and nobody will be the wiser.

Which brings me to a news article I read today —

The five German seniors said they were so incensed over the losses that American-born investment specialist James Amburn incurred that they hatched the plan to kidnap him in a bid to get their cash back.

And they weren’t kidding around – this guy ended up stuffed into a cardboard box, then transported in the back of an Audi to a holiday house by a lake.  Where they kept him for four days – and each acted out their rage upon him.  Not pretty.

Evil never wins… all five of them were caught – and today sentenced to as many as five years in gaol.  A long time when you are already in your late 70s.

I rest my case.  They are a scary breed all to themselves.  Don’t cross them, ever.


16 responses to “I know I shouldn’t laugh

  1. I got the feeeeeeedddd!!!!!


    Sweet sweet sweet, and I can post. So…how was Paris? I have to confess that this post kind of scared me.

    • Did this come out a bit dark? I wrote it after sitting for 2 hours in a church hall with all the other parents sending their kidlets for 1st communion – It was a ‘dry’ evening, in every way. Perhaps I should have had a glass of red first….

  2. Elizabeth from the Gold Coast

    Glad to see you back “on air”….sending you housewarming wishes…..looking forward to hearing of your trip to Paris….

    (I’ve been lurking for a while now and thought it was time to ‘come out’).

    • Ooohhh a lurker – now I feel famous. So glad you came out of the shadows. Welcome – feel free to say whatever you like, you will soon notice that the ‘others’ don’t hold back!! LOL 😉 God bless their little cotton socks.

  3. I FOUND YOU! Yes, it IS my biggest accomplishment today. Unlike my 87 year old father-in-law who has been puttering around in his yard since 7am.

    Best wishes on your new bloghome! I brought the traditional “warming” gifts, a seriously ugly and smelly houseplant and a yummy bottle of wine.

    • Great – all my favorite people bring wine… but did you bring a bottle opener??? Did you know that ‘traditional’ housewarming gift in Germany is to bring a loaf of bread and some salt? We had a lot of bread and salt when we moved house. Comes in handy (the salt that is) when those front steps get a bit icy.

  4. Oh I hope there are a few drops of the duty free left for the housewarming …
    Bread … hmmm …
    A Jug of Wine, a Loaf of Bread and Thou …
    Nice house … I like the view

    • Plenty of wine and bread for all… That was taken a few weeks ago when I went for a walk – the snow is gone now.

  5. all new and a bit sterile………..let the fun really start.

    Do the seniors bite back???

  6. Oh yes, I recognise them! They are the ones who come in large groups on their bikes on the cycle paths and narrow country roads around here as well. It is not groups of teenagers you need to look out for but the old guys and gals! 😉

  7. I confess. The old Swiss women scare me. Especially when they go marching up the hills, carrying their groceries as if they were nothing, and I see how cut their leg muscles are. Must be from a life spent going up and down these darn hills & mountains!

  8. the new blog looks great! i’m stupid- is there still a way to follow using google friend connect?

    • You are not stupid.. I was trying to get it to work yesterday – it is not easy – wordpress.com doesn’t let you use a lot of those types of things. You will just have to add me to your google reader.. ‘on the scoreboard!!!’ what were you thinkin’??? LOL cute really cute

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