Didn’t see that coming…did you!

There are days, I swear, when I walk around with a bucket on my head.  Yes, I am that oblivious to the world around me that someone could easily approach, start drumming the theme song to the Lion King on the top of my skull, and it would take me at least 15 minutes to notice.

This past week or so, people have been nice to me.  Abnormally nice, sort of like they know I have some life threatening disease (but non-contagious), but I forgot to open the letter from the doctor.

Any conversation that starts with that, well you know, sort of head tilted a little to the side, lean in, “So, how are you doing?”  That sets off the alarm bells.  I immediately start cataloguing my life to see where I might have taken a wrong turn.

This time, it is the lack of husband that has everyone else’s knickers in a twist.  Mr Dear Husband has been on an extended trip – as he was leaving, he muttered something about “Jack Nicholson, empty hotel, kid on a tricycle”.  As I barely pay attention on a good day, I responded with, “Well you have a safe trip now, ya hear,” and handed him a brown paper sack with a egg salad sandwich and an apple.

He and I have played this game for over 20 years now.  We know the rules.  We miss each other while apart, and squabble like a tree full of monkeys when he returns.  This is just the way it is.

But apparently – that is NOT the way that people see it here, in this one horse town.  Unbeknownst to me, I am now referred to as ‘that poor unfortunate single mother.”  Well doesn’t that just conjure up an image you want for the world to see?  Not that there is anything wrong with Single Mother’s – some of my favourite people in the world have worn this cap and made it look like something we all want.

Just not here – here,  it brings out the Pity Party Brigade.  As if ‘telling what to do and how to live your life’ were not a national pastime, now they get to do it with a tilted head and little sigh at the end of each sentence.

They mean well – and I can think of no way to gracefully turn down the offers that have poured in, so I have returned to what I do best – sarcasm.

“Oh, so do you think your Mr Dear Husband is going to make it home for Easter?  He sure has been gone a long time…”  head tilt, little sigh…

“Well I doubt he is going to be home for Easter – seeing as I killed him, chopped him into little pieces and buried him in the garden!”.   I tilt my head to the left and maintain a creepy grin.

I get a unnatural level of pleasure from watching someone try to work out a) what I just said, and b) could I be serious.

One day I will learn to play the game, but until then, I will just enjoy the ride.


14 responses to “Didn’t see that coming…did you!

  1. I’m still snickering. I like your style!

    Over from SITS..

  2. Yeah, I get the same kind of thing. Except they check in to ease their guilt of ignoring the ‘poor single mom’. When the ‘How are you doing?” comes in between them getting their mail and running to the car, they really don’t want to know.

    • I have thought of you often this past month… you and other Army wives. Wondering how you fend off the ‘good intentions’. So right about the ‘easing of the guilt’.

  3. From pity to fear…the crazy lady!
    That bucket gets heavy sometimes, doesn’t it? 😉

    • You nailed it… she will think long and hard before she puts on her best frock and brings me a bundt cake again.

  4. That’s why I’m anti social, and yes you have style 😉

    • Well heaven knows that I have tried to put on my most anti-social face, but there is something about this society whereupon they insist on trying to drag you up to their level… kicking and screaming does not deter them.

  5. I’m feeling your pain.
    I get exactly the same treatment around here when my husband disappears for a month or so at a time, as he so frequently does.
    I never had a snappy comeback, though, until now- I’m stealing yours!
    Thanks, Lulu!

    • I am sure it will sound even better in French… LOL funny how many of my blog-mates live under similar circumstances.

  6. Ï just don’t know how you do it “used to be one comment I would hear when himself was off swanning around the world. It is amazing how some people can make the words of a compliment smugly sound like an insult to someone who just “can’t keep her man home” …
    Been there, done that …

    • Well, you have certainly nailed something there Roni.. Mind you, I suspect that some of them might be a little envious! LOL

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